026. baptism

Last Sunday (16th February) I got baptised. it was me and three other people who had decided to get baptised. For those of you who don't really understand this, it's a symbol to show that you've decided to give your life to Christ and that there's turning back. That doesn't mean that there won't be struggles in your life, or that you won't stray sometimes; but I've chosen to have God in my life and I know that no matter what happens, He'll be there with me along the way.
Although I've always been a Christian - I was brought up in a Christian family, and I've never really known any different - I have drifted and strayed from God, thinking that I could do things along; particularly in sixth form, and I didn't really live my life the way that I wanted to, or how any Christian tries to. Baptism for me was a reaffirmation of my vows and the church I go to in Aberystwyth (St Michael's or St Mike's as everyone calls it) performs a full immersion baptism, meaning that I was dunked in water and got very wet.
J-D, the curate of St. Mike's, invited the four of us up to the front where we had to answer the questions that meant we were confirming our faith towards God, and rejecting the devil. As another part of the baptism service, I was asked to give my testimony - about why I was choosing to get baptised.

Testimony (this is what I read out to everyone - although this is only really part of everything that happened to bring me to baptism stage; I shall write a post with my full testimony at some point):
"I was christened as a baby and then, when I was 13 I got confirmed. Since then, I've had ups and downs in my faith and relationship with God. Last year at university I didn't go to church but I felt distant from God, and had decided that I would go to church during my second year. In the summer, the death of my younger brother whilst my family and I were on holiday made me feel the need to go to church and become closer to God even more important. Although originally going to St. Paul's, the joining of CU (Christian Union) and meeting a special someone there made me come to St. Mike's, which has strengthened my faith and helped me grieve and because of this closer relationship with God, I've wanted to reaffirm my baptismal vows."

Reading my testimony out to the congregation of St. Mike's was difficult for me for two reasons. I hate public speaking anyway, and the fact I was having to tell everyone about the death of my brother was quite a challenge. I almost cried during it, but God had answered my prayer, and he was my strength; keeping me going and stopping me from breaking down. After reading my testimony, we all went over to the baptistry - a pool within the church that is filled with water, and I got baptised. The symbolism behind being lowered under the water is to show that our old life is dying, and when we are brought back up, it's to show that we've been born again in Christ, and are accepting our new lives with him. The idea of the water is also to symbolise that through Christ we have been washed clean of our sins; as when Jesus Christ died for us on the cross, he died so that are sins may be forgiven and that through him, believers may have eternal life.

It was a really good day, and I'm glad that I made the decision to get baptised and commit myself to Christ. Although this past week has been somewhat of a struggle - my emotions have been all over the place and I've just wanted to cry at everything - I know that God is always with me, and that He will never let me go it alone, even if I sometimes stray from Him - which I no doubt will.



Me in the pool with J-D and Katy who baptized me (apologies that the photo isn't very clear) 

025. Missing my brother

On Saturday it's going to be my little brother's Interment. It's been over two months since he drowned yet sometimes it still feels like yesterday. 

In a way, I'm dreading the interment. It'll be the last thing we do; we've been through the waiting game, we've given him the best funeral we could and now it's the final thing we'll do for him. I have no idea what it's going to be like, when my grandad died I wasn't there when his ashes were buried at the crematorium.  Kieran won't be buried there though - he'll be buried at the church we've gone to since before he was born; in their garden of remembrance. I find it fitting that he'll be there - he'll always be a part of our church, and he'll be close by when we're there too. 

I miss him; not in the same way my parents do - he was their son, not their brother. I was his older sister and although I've been strong for the past two months, I think my walls are beginning to crumble. It's still so unreal that my brother has gone, what was 3 siblings is now 2, but I know that he's up there unaware of time going on. He won't be missing us; he'll be outside of time - somewhat like doctor who I guess; and he'd love that analogy. 

I never know who I should tell about him. I'm still at a point where I don't like telling people - not because I don't want them to know but because I feel guilty for burdening them with it. I've joined the Christian Union at university and when getting to know people a question they often ask is: 'how many siblings do you have?' I respond two. I always will have two siblings, and I'll always be the middle child; I often don't explain that I have two but one isn't with us anymore. I don't want people to treat me differently because of Kieran's death and I don't want people to feel bad for asking such a  normal question. They aren't to know what I've been through, and I'll tell people when I feel ready to. 

I don't explain how he died or when either. If people want to know, I'm fine with them asking me; I won't cry about it and I'll tell them the facts. I recently told one person that I've met at the CU about it; he asked why I wasn't going to be at the meeting on Friday. However, I double checked that he wanted to know and that it wasn't a happy reason for missing it. I didn't even tell him outright; I'm too conscious of the fact that saying to someone 'my brother's dead' is harsh as they obviously are not going to expect it. So I meandered around the point until they got what I meant. And in a way, I do feel better that I've told someone at the church I go to in Aberystwyth. If my walls do break down, and the floodgates open whilst I'm at a service; someone will understand why without me having to explain it through my tears. 

So Saturday is going to be a hard day for me and particularly for my parents. But I know that God will be there with us and I have my friends who will look out for me when I need them to. 

24. it was only just a dream

I have no idea why I've decided to write a blog post about a dream I had, but it was pretty weird (yet quite cool at the same time) and I just feel like I should share it with you all (of course)!

Look at how cute he is!! :')

Basically, I'd gone to a comedy gig for some random comedian with my mum and two brothers, when they announced that there was a special guest coming on to do the supporting act - Tom Felton (Yes, I realise that he's an actor and I have NO idea why my brain decided that he should become a comedian for the reality of my dream). I was obviously mega excited at seeing him in person, as he's pretty handsome, and I think all throughout his acting career as Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter, I've liked him best. (He's so adorable in Chamber of Secrets, I was 8 when it first came out, so I guess I thought he was pretty cute even then!) 

Then for some strange reason, the scene changed to a swimming pool, and Tom was doing that strip thing like Tom Daley does, down to his swimming trunks, (Yes, my brain is seriously messed up - don't judge me!) and invites the whole audience to go swimming (miraculously we all seemed to be in swimwear at this point). So of course, everyone does because, hello, it's TOM FELTON! Why wouldn't you?

*fangirl squee*

Everyone was in the water (I don't know what happened to my family at this point) and they were doing like water dancing and everyone was trying to surround Tom, and I was trying to not become all fangirlish, because I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate getting mugged by a huge amount of people in a swimming pool. Or maybe he would? I don't know.

But then, HE CAME UP TO ME! Yes, I was in shock in my dream! Next thing I know, we're like best of friends (WOW! I wish!) and my mum appears, so I ask if I can have my picture taken with him. (I'm aware we're still in a swimming pool, I'm confused too). So anywya, I do have my picture taken with him, quite a few as we're now best friends, and we do the whole pulling faces thing (well, I do anyway) and then my mum says we have to go (NOOOO!!) However, he gives me a hug and says 'See you tomorrow?' and I'm just there like :O, before I remember that,I will see him tomorrow as I'm going to see his comedy gig! So it's all cool. I'm then miraculously in a room (fully dressed) waiting for my brothers to appear, and mum says to me that Dad's got my school books out of the car (so I'm guessing I was like in year 11 at that point?).

Then I wake up, thinking what the hell? (And feeling jealous of my dream self for becoming best friends with him!)

Tara

P.S. Apologies to Rob who had to listen to my first hand account of my weird dream. Although he gave me some insight as to why it happened, as I said he looked a bit like Draco Malfoy if his hair was blonde, and he practiced the smirk :)

23. result!

Today I got my Semester One results back from the five exams I did in January, and I passed them all!

Two of the exams had been essays which I had mostly been worried about, particularly one of them as it was an unseen exam. I think what I struggle with at university level is remembering references, as for A Level and GCSE I could just write without having to worry.  The other three exams had been multiple choice - and luckily Aberystwyth University (or at least my department) doesn't penalize you for getting an answer wrong! Although the multiple choice exams had been in modules that I didn't understand as well (due to them being pretty scientific), I'm good at remembering facts so I did okay.

My results! :D

I'm glad that I didn't fail any of them as I would hate to have to do resits, especially with having more exams in May, and I think I'd be really stressed. However, I think that in May I'll know how best to prepare for exams as I've done some now, so although I didn't get the highest grade in any of them at least I know what works when revising.

Another result I got last Saturday was my Driving Theory test which I passed first time. I wasn't too nervous about the multiple choice part because I'd done quite a lot of revision, but I was a bit worried about the Hazard Perception as it all depends on when you click, and after one of the clips where my score had been given 0 due to 'clicking too often', I was really apprehensive and thought I'd failed it. So when I got given my results, I was so happy! I walked from the test centre back to my flat with a HUGE grin on my face. I felt like such an idiot!

I think I'm fairly lucky when it comes to exams as I don't get too freaked out by them like other people do. I just remember to keep a clear head in the exam and not to panic too much, so that I'm able to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing there and then, rather than worrying about whether I'm going to do well or not. I hate waiting for results though, and after exams I over-analyse and compare what I wrote or answered to other people's answers. Some people think I'm stupid for thinking negatively after results, and expecting to fail, but in a way, I prefer it, because then when I don't fail I'm really happy, and if I do end up failing, I won't be too disappointed as it's what I was expecting (stupid plan, but it kinda works).

What are your thoughts on exams and revision? :)

Tara

22. thinking of me

So, I've seen this on quite a few blogs (some being 100 things, other's being 50), one of them being Natalie's and I figured I might as well give it a go. I apologise you all discover I'm really boring :3

1. My birthday is the 24th July
2. My favourite film ever is Titanic
3. I don't have an appendix :(
4. I've had the chicken pox twice
5. My favourite number is 7
6. I support Manchester United
7. I have two brothers
8. I love American TV shows - Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, 90210, The Vampire Diaries
9. I enjoy reading pretty much any kind of novel
10. I love Lord of the Rings
11. And Harry Potter
12. I play the trumpet and oboe (officially)
13. I love summer 
14. I'm a geography geek
15. I wish I'd taken History at A Level
16. I'm a very fussy eater
17. I take those chewy vitamins
18. My favourite fizzy pop is Lilt
19. I like watching Pointless (just to try and guess the answers)
20. I go to Aberystwyth University
21. I have a job at McDonalds
22. My hair is naturally very curly :(
23. I hate writing on normal-lined paper, I always buy the narrow-ruled stuff
24. I love cats
25. My favourite animal is a dolphin
26. I've adopted one since I was about 6
27. I'd love to go to New Zealand
28. I get seasick
29. I love legendary characters like Merlin or King Arthur
30. The last film I watched was The Little Vampire - reliving childhood memories
31. I want to go to Belfast just to visit the Titanic Museum
32. I used to be considered as 'chavvy'
33. I wish I kept in contact with people more
34. I've never been out of Europe
35. I really want to go on a safari
36. I'm still learning to drive
37. The last film I watched at the cinema was Les Miserables
38. I love Eddie Redmayne and Hugh Jackman
39. I've always wanted to be a teacher
40. I miss my cat when I'm at uni
41. I have no idea what my favourite type of flower is
42. I don't like foods with bits in (yoghurt, most fruits...)
43. I used to be an Air Cadet
44. My favourite colour is blue
45. Hot chocolate is the only hot drink I like
46. I love shopping at New Look
47. I have brown eyes
48. I was born at 12.23pm
49. My favourite TV programme when I was little was the Teletubbies
50. For my Year 6 SATs, our teacher made us do 'brain gym' to Peter Kay's 'Is this the way to Amarillo?'
51. I've learnt French since I was 4
52. I hate wearing high heels
53. I love custard creams and malted milk biscuits
54. I usually call malted milk biscuits, 'moo cow' biscuits
55. A dream I think I'll always remember is one about a tiger coming into my room ready to eat me
56. I really want to visit Paris again
57. I used to want to have braces
58. I love lime shower gel
59. I use Nina by Nina Ricci perfume
60. I have a world map up in my room at university
61. I keep a memory box
62. I love reading actual books, cos I like the feel of turning pages
63. I'm usually cold
64. I have my ears pierced twice
65. I used to want to have my belly button pierced
66. I cry at a lot of films
67. I don't eat red meat or fish
68. I used to have really blonde hair, but it naturally got darker
69. I was going to be called Tamara, but with my surname it became a bit of a joke
70. I have a fear of spiders
71. I'm also scared of clowns
72. I used to love thunderstorms, but now I'm not so keen
73. I feel guilty about not being an organ donor, but I want to be cremated whole :3
74. I love roast parsnips
75. I'm struggling to think of 100 things about myself
76. I can't curl my tongue
77. I wear contact lenses
78. I love the sea
79. One of my embarrassing moments is when I knocked over a tub of rice krispies at this band weekend, and everyone just laughed at me
80. When I was little, I used to pinch myself and blame it on my older brother so he'd get into trouble
81. I nearly fainted at the Tinie Tempah concert I went to
82. I love rereading my Meg Cabot books
83. I brought a cuddly toy to uni - his name is Mr Moose (original, I know) and my boyfriend brought it back from Sweden for me
84. I love The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
85. I'm a lightweight
86. I only really like alcopops
87. I love the sneezing panda video on youtube
88. I'm a Christian
89. Ever since I went to Denmark when I was 9, I've always wanted a Ford Focus (it was our hire car)
90. I've never tried a cigarette or drugs
91. I love sunbathing but I'd never ever use a sunbed
92. I'm currently reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
93. I talk way too much
94. I kind of liked it when my parents always dragged me to castles and old houses when I was younger
95. I've done my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh
96. I have no claim to fame
97. I love vinegar
98. I'm like a little kid when it snows
99. I go fangirlish over quite a lot of stuff
100. I'm surprised that I managed to complete the full 100.

21. valentine’s day

This post is the first time I've used Windows Live Writer to upload, so hopefully it’ll go okay *fingers crossed*

The roses Rob bought me -
my first ever flowers!

Valentine’s Day – to be honest, I do see it as a bit of a scam because those with partners should show their love all year round, instead of just on one specific day of the year, but I don’t mind it to be honest. Admittedly, I do have a boyfriend to spend the day with, but even when I've been single on Valentine’s Day, it doesn't bother me too much, so I don’t get why people moan non-stop about it. I saw a Facebook status in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day saying how they've always been single, and would someone be their Valentine even if it’s just as friends. Fair enough, but I do think that asking for a Valentine on Facebook in a serious way, just seems a tad desperate and it makes you seem like your attention-seeking.

Gossip Girl Season 4 - more
hours of Chace Crawford
to watch ;)

My Valentine's Dinner

This year, me and my boyfriend decided that instead of buying mega-romantic presents (I didn't want any chocolate!), we’d buy each other presents that we actually wanted. So I bought Rob the first series of Game of Thrones on DVD, and then (because he’s a boy and I know he would have probably wanted some chocolate), I did buy him a chocolate heart from Thornton's with ‘Happy Valentine's Day’ on it. And he got me the fourth season of Gossip Girl (yay!!) and Titanic on DVD as my copy stopped working. Plus, Titanic is my favourite film ever, and he knows this. As a surprise he also bought me some roses, which I genuinely wasn't expecting, and he cooked me dinner, which was originally supposed to be a surprise but I guessed the food he was going to cook me (I guess with me being a fussy eater it’s kind of difficult to cook for me) but he also bought some Shloer as I’m not a fan of wine (or any alcohol apart from alcopops and they’re not really romantic).

Next year, when we’ve got a flat together I think it’ll be easier to celebrate Valentine’s Day as it’ll just be the two of us, without flatmates barging in when we’re cooking etc., and Rob will probably be able to surprise me a bit more without having to worry about annoying other people.

However, although we do make a deal out of Valentine’s Day, we don’t just celebrate the one day a year. We look forward to our anniversary as well as enjoy being with each other every day. Because to me, that’s what love is about, and that is what makes a good couple. The people who enjoy being with each other all year round, and appreciate each other every day, instead of just buying them presents on the 14th February.

Tara

20. mishap

When editing my blog, some of the posts became out of sync - I'm not sure how, and being no technical genius, I have no idea how to get them back in order. 
The blog number are correct, so #13 and #15 should be in their respective places rather than ahead of #19.
If anyone knows if there is a way to fix this, please let me know - many thanks
Sorry for this :)

Tara